By Mike Mahler"I don't think you were put here to please everybody; that would be horrible.
You have to have some kind of a stand and stand against something as well.
"Too nice" is the person who is afraid to set boundaries. "Too nice" is the person who I used to be (and still am, sometimes).
When I reflect back on my life and my various relationships -- with men, with friends, with family, and even with some co-workers, I can now see how being "too nice" was my way of staying safe, of avoiding conflict, and of remaining emotionally intact.
When I hit 50, I escalated a journey I'd been on for a few years, where I challenged myself to be more honest in all areas of my life -- honest about my wants, and my hopes and also about my fears.
When I hit 50, I began the process of examining my desire, my need, and in some contexts, my compulsion to be "too nice." When I hit 50, I began to realize that being "too nice" gave me a high, it was my addiction, my chosen drug of avoidance.
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However, on the inside I felt depressed and anxious.“We must each lead a way of life with self-awareness and compassion, to do as much as we can. Oh, did you hear about this new job opportunity I’m getting? Let me tell you about it…” I felt a wave of emotion within me.Then, whatever happens we will have no regrets.” ~Dalai Lama I finally decided that I would call my friend. This was the third time she had flaked on me this week, and it always ended with me calling her to find out what had happened.Use this strategy carefully.) Two other times when an accommodating strategy can be appropriate: (1) if you are a manager and want your subordinates to take on responsibility and learn from their own mistakes, and (2) when you are hopelessly outmatched in power and the other side is using a competing strategy and you are going to lose anyway. If you feel that your concerns are never acknowledged and your opinions are ignored, you may be too accommodating.There are team members who want, welcome, and will only work for a nice leader — until they see that the nice leader won’t address poor performance and cannot negotiate tough issues with other teams and management.©2011-2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. In fact, throughout my life I've tried my best to be kind, caring, empathetic and helpful to just about everyone I meet.